That brat!

Little Swirly Dictionary of the Brat : an injury/niggle which unables you to do what you love most: RUN
Description of the Brat: Every time, running is attempted, pain is felt first in the left front hipflexor ( or groin), which then moves to the left side of the knee, down the calf, up the lower back and then back to the hipflexor.
After 1 hour of this pain mixture, running becomes a strange limping (or penguin walk) witnessed by others that can last up to 3 days.

After the Trail of Herts mad run, I knew I had done something to myself that non runner friends said it was because I carried on and didn't stop (you nutter) but any ultra runner would have just said " it's part of the deal, well done for finishing, just need a bit recovery time now!"
It's now been 2 weeks since the race, and that recovery, well is not following "THE PLAN". That left leg is definitely a brat! Running was out of the question last weekend after I had to give up after a few uphills and a painful limping back to the car.

Last weekend disastrous hill repeat

So, all week I wondered if it was really my injury pulling my leg, or if it was my brain not wanting to revive what happened during the race and put physical blocks at every running attempts. Especially since I could walk or cycle (go figure!). Therefore I had masterminded a new plan for this weekend (wahahah), I thought I could use a different "mind strategy" ignore the blocks, keep pushing with a "no pain, no gain" concept and see what happens? I bet this sound familiar to you?
Results:

This weekend disastrous hill repeat

You've guessed right. I'm right now sitting in the car, waiting for Mick to finish “our” long run on the North Downs way.  I hate to admit but I've been defeated by the brat after less than an hour run and a slow limping walk back to the car, ... I ignored the blocks ( 5 mins down the run) and what I gained 50 mins down the run was... more pain so that no pain, no gain concept is utterly rubbish! Some will think “ nah! it's a niggle, you should have push it harder! or "don't worry, you'll be fine in no time, you just need some time”....but with all the niggles I got since I have started running, I had made myself a promise to keep running no matter how bad it felt, as I never wanted to be called a "pussy" for not starting or finishing a race or being a drag to Mick especially during our training runs. Many stories of how one had withstand pain to start and/or finish an endurance event are out there; many comments of others wishing to have that same pain threshold or asking how to train the mind to ignore the pain are omnipresent on social networks. And so,I always thrived to be that one who ignores the pain and just carries on. So is it a niggle? hell no!  As I listened to Stephanie Howe's interview after UROC about her decision to run the race on an injured foot and nursing it to be able to finish the race, I'm thinking I could just do the same, right? I don't want to just give up to that brat, so, any mind tricks? body tricks you would like to share? what would you do with the greensand marathon next weekend, and the Endurance Trail 2 weeks later?

The panic button

One week before the "A" race: you know that  race, the one you've prepared for ages, the one you set yourself to give it all. For me, it is the trail de l'Etendard. A 63 km, 4100m of ascent in the beautiful mountains of Savoie, France.

Trail de l'Etendard Route View

But I've hit it. The panic button, the one which makes everything fall apart. I'm sure we've all been there, we pressed it and fell in the black hole of self-doubt.


Why? I should have no reasons for it: I had faced the unknown when running the Mont Blanc back in July, I know what I am about to face. I've carefully prepared myself to make it feel like an "organised" run in the mountains where nothing can faze me.This time, it felt like the expectations set seemed reasonable. Like when you tell yourself: no worries, you've done the race before, or nah, you'll be fine,you've completed the distance, or/and no sweat mate, you've trained hard, put the hours in, change your diet...all and all, it will all work out!

Darn! stupid button!

For ages, everything seemed fine. Training was going according to Mick's plan, experimenting with low carb diet was not as traumatising as I first believed, I had been able to keep that little voice at bay.  But as I sit there looking through the window of the Eurostar, reflecting on the last few weeks effort, this little voice shout outs: for this race you need to run better than ever before. That's it, nothing else, no ugly thoughts telling you that you can't do it, just that : you better run better.
And as the mind impregnates these words,and start looking for reassuring thoughts  only one thought prevails : I'm not ready. I'm one week before the race and I haven't ran once last week, I had painful runs the week before, and next week looks brutal.  Fatality comes crashing down: there is no point, this is never going to work the way others are going to expect it. These expectations are so high, what was I thinking believing it's ok!

 

What felt like an eternity later: Reason started kicking in, asking me if I was going to feel this way every time a race is about to start?! So dramatic! There must be a reset button after you hit the panic one, how and when do you hit reset?

So I decided to try a few things I've read in the past and made fun of (sorry) Breathe:in this short laps of panic, I actually held my breath for so long, that the guy beside me started to panic! So at each deep breath, facts started flowing in: I'm a runner, I love the mountain, I have prepared, it's all going to be fine.
Physical Check up: Then I checked myself up. No pain, legs don't look as I've lost any muscle! I can still go up the stairs without breathing hard, I've walked alot without being tired. And you know what, you don't loose physical fitness because you stop running for a week, even 2 weeks, especially if you are doing other activities such as biking or shopping ( yes shopping ladies!) so there! hum...ok, I feel a bit better
Mental Check Up: As Stuart Mill aka UltraStu says: it's all in your mind! If I take this race as a journey goal where what I want to accomplish is getting to the end, then I just need to complete the race and I'll be ok! It doesn't matter the way I would feel before, during or after the race, if I've decided it's a journey goal then so be it! screw the bigger expectations! Now if I take this journey as a "bad ass journey", then mastering  self doubts is the battle and acknowledging that confidence tempered with humility is what makes the difference between a good finish and a bad one, then so be it!


So...it's now less than a week before the race, if I get lucky I might get to run tomorrow, if not then heh! at least I've looked at the course profile and I've decided that I'll start the race as a bad ass journey and will see if I finish it this way or if I get to finish it as a journey goal. As I am reading others' blogs and finding out about their journey, I can see that we all have one thing is common: We all freak out at one point in our running journey, but it looks like the key is finding our own ways to reset our mind and think that whatever the little voice says, I've signed up for that race, and whatever it takes I'll finish it!

To face the unknown

Day -5 to the 80Km of the MontBlanc

What did I get myself into? A month ago, I was happily running down the North Downs Way catching some "hills" without a care in the world of the distance and elevation I was logging. I was just another free spirit having a bit of fun, insouciant of the challenge that I am about to face in 5 days time...

Insouciance on the trail

Was the decision of entering this epic race taken after long consideration? That depends on how long is a long consideration...

Was time taken to ponder? Again, that would depend on what I was supposed to pounder on and well, for how long.

Was I supposed to reflect first on how much experience I needed to start the race? The super physical attributes to finish it? Or instead on the different sets of emotion that a run gives to us all no matter the distance, elevation or terrain? Or something else?

Because, well... I didn't think of any of that. Mick (my husband) and I had just returned from Madeira Island (Ultra Trail) and were still hyped from the beauty of the trail and the whole racing experience.

Madeira  UltraTrail

Mick mentioned that it was a shame that we couldn't do the Mont Blanc race together because it would have been as beautiful as this one and that well, I could have done it, it’s just a BIG hike.

Mick had entered the race way back when it was first announced. Back then, I was still recovering from the traumatic experience of running a first marathon (Beauty and The Beast), hence there was NO way I would have considered doing double the distance and quadruple the elevation. Who would have thought that 1 marathon (Steyning Stinger) and 1 ultra (CTS Exmoor) later, I would wish I had entered too?

This wish should have been just that, a wish, one you make because you know deep down it is crazy and so it can never become reality and you will never have to face any consequences.

But this wish,...became reality. 30 places got freed up, and one was for me. And now, I am facing a reality that I could have only imagined in my wildest dream...actually I don’t even think I would have ever dreamt of it...                                

                                           

So 2 marathons non-stop, add 6000 m of ascent and you get an epic journey that many dream of.

Teaser Mont Blanc

I should be grateful; I should be training my legs off, doing cardio and all and be committed to this.I should be like Mick, studying the profile, the maps, doing hills repeats, getting upset when training don’t go to plan, right? Well, no ,I have been going with the motion of whatever Mick is doing during the weekend..a long run,a bit of core exercises and moaning that there are not many hills... and now, you think: Gosh, this one is crazy, what is she thinking?!

And well, you might be right; the decision to enter this race was made just from feeling an excitement of being on a trail with loads of ascent and barely any flat.

That’s it: no care in the world for the unknown of fatigue, hurt, up,lows of an ultra but just the ups and downs of a Mont.

So when I'll face the unknown, what will I try to do? Run for it until it becomes a familiarity as "the bane of the unknown is no whit less than the bane of freedom".