Learning to let go in 90 days

Today is the start of our 3 months break, a break where we will be running around islands and mountain ranges and live without plans and expectations.
For someone dubbed as a control freak, not knowing what we are going to do from tomorrow is already a challenge, now imagine 3 months!

9 months ago, Mick decided he go contracting, 9 month ago he also decided to do the Andorra Ultra Trail, 170 kilometers of Andorra mountains trails, and he thought, how cool it would be if he could train for it while visiting family and places. And so this "little" trek around places started to take shape, we first decided to take 6 months, but then compromised to 3 as I really couldn't see myself not working for this long!!! so we would go to Reunion Island first to see my family and train on the volcanic trails to then go to Andorra with our uncle's campervan to train on the race route. Quite simple 2 mountain running destinations for a race preparation, and 9 months to plan. what more to ask for?

But when you let work gets in the way you ended up choosing between planning a 3 month break and leave work a mess or planning work and leave the "break" a "mess".Mess means: not knowing what we could miss out on!

So for the past 9 months, I've been living the work routine while thinking on how to prevent work shit hitting the fan. And for the last 3 months, I've been writing down every single thing that can possibly happen at work and how to solve it. Poor boss and team! I don't have only a plan A & B, I went through plan C, D and E and every other tangent that can happen. I've written at least 7loooong emails, 15 reminders, 5 delayed emails, 50 calendar reminders. And I have half of my staff on Facebook....Get the gist? Even now, work is at the back of my mind, trying to think what I've forgotten to say to my boss and the team. Thinking of it now, I feel bad for them! All this, and nothing about the break! Nothing but plane schedules and races sign up.

Parc National des Gorges de Rivière Noire

As 6 hours away from taking off, our first stop is not Reunion Island but Mauritius, we thought why not start the training with trekking the island and finish off with the 80km Royal Raid on Sunday,! Race is planned, but not the trekking bit, it's a challenge to plan a running adventure when all you have online is other people traces on a Google map (sorry Google) so we are going blind!  We know we will run, but exactly where is a mystery, I guess we will run wherever trails our feet follow...

Our 3 days trek Reunion Island- Open Runner

Second stop, Reunion island, where will do the Trail du Colorado and the famous 3 days trek across the island from South to North following the traces of La diagonale des fous with a Swirly twist. That one, I've at least planned the route thank tyou OpenRunner. But  who knows if we are really going to do 125 km in 3 days or 200 km haha as tracing in is about random! Thinking now about it,...it's freaking me out!

A lot of fun!

After 3ish weeks at home, we'll take the plane back to London, leave stuff and get ready for St Jean de Maurienne trails and for Mick's sister wedding. We will then take the motorhome to Andorra to train on the 170 km race route.



 After the race, we will slowly go back to Mick's mum depending on how's Mick feeling ( he is the driver hehe) and run around whatever trails we find.
Just writing it makes me want to at least check out where and what we could do. Mick says we have plenty of time to plan...if he only knew how much time I need to actually feel like it's planning haha!


So here, we are, suitcases packed, waiting for the 91 days adventure to start. I can't wait, I want to see if I can let go, I want to see if I can finally live day to day without what's the society dictated us to worry about. I'm not an open stress person, I keep a lot inside, and it's not healthy, so for 91 days, I really would like to learn to let go and just live life on a daily basis with no regret and planning on what to do next, just be contempt of what I've lived on that day. So here we come Mauritius!
 

South Downs Way 50: 10 lessons

 To do this entry, I had to re-read my previous post about the SDW50 preparation and remind myself why I wanted to run it in the first place.

I had to remember how I felt prior to the race and what made me step onto the start line. I had to remember that it was because I wanted to feel that sparkle of hope to finish something  and that fear of failure could only be conquered by getting to the finish line. Ah! If I only knew what I had got myself into...I wonder if I would have signed up for it.

1 week prior to the race, Mick and I had decided to run it together and do it in less than 12 hours so that we could get the 9 pm bus back to the start. The night before, I thought it would be cool if we could actually catch the 6 pm bus to be home early avoid the rain and do a sub 8hours

Lesson number 1: never changed your expectation the night before...

South Downs Way 50 starts in a college field in Worthing. We had decided to not sleep over as it was only 1h30 drive from Brixton. With egg/bacon muffin, broccoli and banana for breakfast, I was ready to tackle anything and so happy to be running it with Mick. I couldn't wait to look for Benjamin and Jacqui at the start line and chat a bit before tackling these downs. After a smooth registration (abide the space blanket panic episode) I started searching for them and gave up. There was more than 300 people plus family to look at, and I'm short and starting to get scared so never mind.


James does the briefing, we count down the seconds and there we start.When Mick signed up for the race, he said he wanted to do it with me at my pace because he didn't want to burn himself before the London Marathon and this was a training run..but 2 days prior to the race, I decided that it would be cool if actually I could follow him, and the night before telling him he could pace me for a sub 8 hours.

Lesson Number 2: never follow someone pace as the start, you don't know how too fast/slow they are going to go and you'll end up burning yourself.

Within 10 min from the start my breathing was all over the place and my legs were burning trying to keep up with Michael. Those darn downs are shallow and you end up running shallow uphill because walking seems to slow, but running is too fast. Not a great start!

After loads of effort (too much) I decide maybe I need a kick by eating something. We are now down the hill to a flatty section, I'm hot but it's 11 degrees...I walk hoping to get my breathing back to normal while chewing a starbar.

Lesson number 3: when hyperventilating and trying to cool down don't eat something sticky...or not sugary enough...you look like a camel and waste energy!

I look up and see Mick waiting for me...great that's exactly what I didn't want to be...a burden, so I force myself to run these shallow hills to comply with the fact that I am the one who want to "race".

We arrive at a part of the Stinging Stinger race route and I'm glad so see
something familiar and remembering how I felt last year. It gives a boost and I "fly down" to the first checkpoint, we are mile 11.6 The volunteers are so welcoming and caring, it gives another boost to tackle the next hill. I only take 2 glasses of coke as my stomach has become a fussy eater. Mick is so quick going up hill and I feel so low in energy. He explains that I burnt myself out and that I need to eat something with "fast" energy release. Looking at what I've got, I can't find anything "quick" enough until I remember the Cliff shots! Of course!!!

Lesson Number 4: always take cliff shots!

They do the tricks and here I am my old self for 20 mins until we attack another shallow hill which means...running! I can feel the Brat starting to wake up. I tell Mick and tries to reassure me. He knows I had taken Ibuprofen in case of the Brat and suggest that maybe I should take it. I say no I want to run without taking any pills this time but after a while...I take one...because I'm slowing down and Mick is looking at his watch....man wish I could keep up.

We reach checkpoint 2. 16.6 miles. I am glad to see Emily and her team of volunteers. They take so good care of all of us and it's with a happy egg scotch stuffed face that we tackle the next hill. What a relief this one can be walked and I can get a rest from that this non-stop running. I'm still too slow, Mick keeps waiting for me so I'm having a hard time to handle this. It's my fault...why do I always have these unrealistic expectations before a race?!
Views are amazing and distract me from these dark thoughts and the funny pain I'm starting to feel on my back! I check on the Brat, Ibu is still in effect, so what's up with the back? I whine about it to Mick, poor sod! I bet you he regrets running with me now ! He reassures me, says it must be some nerve issue that's why Ibu is not working and tries to make me feel better by suggesting to take another one maybe it would do the trick! Nah proud-me doesn't want to admit I'm slow and want to be punished. I've dealt with pain before, piece of cake!

Lesson number 5: don't brag on pain handling ! You never know what comes next!

We go up and down the downs, something smells and it's not me (too early), just up there there is BACON ! Massive pigs on both sides of the trail! Never seen them this big! Not very attractive looking animals but a good distraction to the creeping back bugger! We are now going down, I tense up, this thing is not leaving and we not even half way yet, a long shallow hill awaits in the far horizon maybe I could walk it and relieve whatever is stuck up! Where is that sparkle? Looking around runners are focused to the task at hand and don't talk or smile as a matter of fact ! Weird I think I'm at the wrong end of the ruining group! At least starts-legging lady is here and makes me smile with her apparel! We go down again, path is tricky, you can't put your feet flat it's all V like with chalk and grass!  A flat bit...Why is Mick looking at me weird?! Ah ya I'm crying! It's ok I say, nothing I haven't felt before! He worries and says it's not normal to cry and I look hurt. He asks if I'm enjoying this. I slow down ... Well well this is tricky! I know how to deal with the pain and drama I go through during each ultra  but never thought I would have to one day explain it to my other half ...he looks quite horrified and pained to see me like this. I don't know how to reassure him. Man! This is not how I planned this !
Lesson 6: don't try to explain how you feel during an ultra, it just makes it worst!
I get frustrated to run while trying to explain my reasons for carry on and dealing with my body issues and handling the fact that if we carry on at this pace we will never catch the 6pm bus. Ah ya! Why did I suggest this again?!
I run a bit faster even thou we are in a shallow hill.
Lesson number 7: train to run shallow hills, it makes life easier

I gave up trying running up as my heart rate is going bonkers again and this back thing is now on my shoulders and neck...I need another shot!I look for Mick but he is far and has stopped waiting on top not looking too happy and worried for me...

Lesson number 8: don't beat yourself up because you can't follow someone. Run your race at the pace you can handle and not worry about the people around you.


I'm having so many bad patches that I stop counting and let the pain take over. Nothing is working to make things better and I have a really hard time coming to terms with : failing to run at the pace ( which is the familiar training pace so normally easy to handle ), knowing we are going to miss the bus because of me and not being able to control the tears and face or manage the creeping not so bearable pain.

We finally arrive at checkpoint 3, 26.6 miles! Sue asks how I'm doing, I have a big grin on my messed up face, I've ok I say,...but am I ? Mick suggests that maybe I should stop. No I want to carry on I say, I take a wonderful chocolate homemade cookie, 2 wraps some coke with the GU tablet and walk out of the checkpoint. Mick tries to reason me and tell me we need to carry on faster if we want to catch the bus. It's downing on me, I can't make it not like that not with that extra pressure I put with this stupid bus! Not with the thought that I have to manage this new pain without looking pained to not make Mick bad!  It was supposed to be OUR run! It's such a struggle in this bubble that I'm walking. Should I carry on? Stop? Admit I can't handle this?
I look at Mick and know. There is too much in my head to process. My pride got me where I am now, I can carry on even thou I'm hurt but am I doing any good?
We have our 3 month break coming up . What if I carry on and injure myself even more and make that can't run anymore? Is finishing really worth it at that point?
I always wondered how people DNF and how it feels. What I feel inside is horrible and creepy but the fact that little voice is not saying anything is even more creepy ! That voice is the one that keeps me going because I want to prove it wrong! But if she is not saying anything, what does that mean?
I hear myself say to Mick I'm stopping that he needs to carry on if he wants to make it to the 6 pm bus and I'll wait for him at the finish line. He says it's the wise thing to do . Wise heh? Wise doesn't feel good! I say maybe I could carry on at least to the next checkpoint he says that's my pride talking. I say I don't want to give up I never give up he says maybe that's why I'm injured like I am,I say I can handle the pain but can't handle his pained looks he says he can't help it. I'll probably have that same face if it was the other way around. He asks if I can truly carry on and go faster I shake no with my head, I said I can carry on but not as fast he says that I won't catch the 6 pm bus...why did I talk about this stupid 6 pm bus! I know he wants to catch it I know I'm going too slow. I also know that he won't admit not to hurt me so I stop and tell him to continue without me! I look at him disappearing in the distance and don't know what to do with myself. Am I really stopping? Maybe I could just carry on? I text him asking him if he would be mad if I carry on?
I sit on the side walk of the bridge and ponder. But reflecting is too much so I decide to run away from it all towards the next checkpoint! But my body's responses doesn't follow my mind! It says no so loudly that the only way I am able to make a step is my walking back! I'm doing what I thought was the walk of shame to CP3 but all of the runners I cross give me a smile a word a look of understanding. Some guy looks at me with a big grin...it's Benjamin!!! I'm so happy to see him and put a brave face on ! No one needs to take one burden and feel bad about it! They've got another 40 km to go! When I get to the CP, Sue doesn't believe me and make me sit on the chair saying that I'll change my mind in 10 min! If she only knew that my mind wants to carry on but not my body. I can't put words together so I just sit there and let that horrible feeling sink in.
Lesson 9: don't beat yourself up with a DNF. There is a reason for everything occurring . You just get to find it out down the life line.
Sue comes back to get some dude beside me a ride to the finish. I hear myself ask if I can come with them. She looks at me and say yes, she is disappointed and I can't blame her.
I am too.

After a car ride where Becky and Sue help with not thinking about the DNF too much and my pained back is giving me some we arrived at the finish line. It's sad looking with not many people until Nici and the other volunteers get busy with the finish line prep and the drop bag drama! It keeps the pain and feelings away as I help with the preparation. At first they tell me not too, I'm injured and shouldn't put more strain on my body, but Natasha big grin and funny comments are the best remedy for a strained mind. I need to keep myself busy to not think too much about what I've done and make my body understand that this is not over! That there is no rest after failure! I need to give back to the ultra running family that got me there in the first place. After sorting out the drop bags, I end up give the t-shirts to the finishers and seeing their happy face, smile and emotions bring back that sparkle! And seeing Mick at the finish line 30 min before the 6pm bus is the cherry of top! just made the DNF a bit sweeter to digest!
Ultra running is massive, you don't need to know who the people are, what they do, what they've endured to get there because at the end of the day, we are all here to make a journey, with a start and a finish. The route is not what makes a race organisation popular but the volunteers that give back that sparkle to tired runners. So many thank you are plastered on the centurion race community page from both aisles of the trail that makes you want to give back 10 folds.
So there my final lesson:

Lesson 10: nothing beats the sparkle ! Not even a DNF!

When I posted my DNF on Facebook, I didn't want people to feel sorry for me because beside a kick in the pride, at some point you get over it.
It didn't take me long as "Lion crown" Glynn comment was "there is no kind words that will make you feel better, some people will and some people wont know how your feeling now, the feeling also doesn't go. I have felt your sadness too. Some day everyone's luck runs out :) great running to date"
That comment made me realise that yes I've been lucky to get this far with so many injuries , that the people who know how I feel are part of the sparkle that ultra running community brings, and the ones who don't still show the care needed to mend the heart. And that actually the sadness goes away when you know that you lost a fight not the battle :) because there is much more lessons to learn just some miles always ! And some more hills to conquer!

South Downs Way 50 Preparation: that sparkle

Next weekend is South Downs Way 50, a very anticipated race from Worthing to Eastbourne in England organised by the famous centurion running team, we will be going up and down many ridges of the south downs way and follow the traces of some of the fastest British runners!

Since finishing TGC, I  felt frustrated, I haven't been able to do as much running as I want to and so caged in with despair. I felt worried, it's a long distance and a fast race and then felt down, is this not all just an egocentric fulfilment? Not reecing the route doesn't help...everyone keeps saying it will be flat and fast. But then if you look at the race profile and hide the elevation grid on the left, it actually looks like a mountain race profile no?

South Downs Way profile

I felt insecure and got fed up with all of these negativity! So turn turn to Mick and to the great community of trail running, read other runners' blogs, follow the facebook community page and read that others are in the same boat, comments full of fear, insecurities asking for reassurance and getting it in ten fold! I smile, at the contagious excitement of Jacqui, counting down the days that separate her from the start line and feel...

That sparkle,... when you hit the trails race. That sparkle which makes your insecurities, fears, day to day issues disappear when you first step out of the start line with all of the other runners. That you come first or last, we always share that sparkle of hope of finishing something which is bigger than the fear of failure and make us take the first step out of the front door to the finish line.
And so, I feel brave, because all I need is to get out there, the other runners will take care of the race, with their smiles, encouragements, their foofying, moaning, my foofying, moaning and smiles. Trans Gran Canaria showed me that even language is not a barrier, that not talking actually bring us even closer together because it keeps us in our raw nature, grateful of a single smile, a look, a pat from strangers, and make us winner.

Winner because everyone has some sort of physical abilities, to go fast, fly down, climb up, walk, we don't need to be elite runner or champion of your age category to feel like a winner every time , you get to that finish line. As every finish line, no matter how many times you've reece it or race it, it feels like a first time! 

So there! I'm ready! Bring on the sparkle! 

Jacqui's picture of the down to Eastbourne

TransGranCanaria 125km: a dark heaven

TransGranCanaria 125  starts when you wait for the bus to get to the start line.

It's 9:40 pm and we are around 100 sleepy runners waiting to get into the bus to the start in Agaete. We are all looking nervous and unsure of what's going on, wondering if this is wise. Midnight start is awful, you can't sleep the hours before no matter how hard you try ( unless you are like James Adams and 2 beers is enough to knock you out until the start ;) ) and so, you end up being a zombie/vampire until the sun rises, daydreaming of going back to bed...But the buses are there and we fill them up to the last sit.

2 hours later, we are welcomed in Agaete with the sounds of drums and cheering locals. It's cold and windy. My heart is racing, just looking at the 500 runners ice-fill my mind and runs shivers of doubt and fear down my whole body. Mick does it again: reassuring me that it will all be ok, it's 90% mental, 10% in the head he says...I smile at this and shake my head, surely there is a physical aspect to this whole thing, No?!Winking, he replies, I'll find out soon enough...and with a last kiss, the start is given. It's 12 am on Saturday 01 March 2014. Up there 10 km away,  our first checkpoint Tamadaba awaits. We do a bit of road to say goodbye to civilisation and reassuring artificial lights before entering 8 hours of darkness under trees and rockies.

For the next 43.5 km  the only sounds I will recollect will be fragments of failed conversation with other runners in 3 languages, the whimpers of the Brat , the walking sticks knocking the rocky path and the cheers of the volunteers and passers-by from the the 3 aid stations. For 7 hours and 53 minutes, I will remember nothing but fragments of dead looking trails, phantom-like runners' gloomy faces caught from the halo of my headlamp, and looks of runners wishing we could turn back and forget this whole thing.

But the sun rises, and with that, what was dark and gloomy becomes almost enchanting, what was a depressing past becomes a better future. I wonder how Mick is feeling, I'm hopeful he's doing great and this help me running down faster without thinking of the Brat biting my leg. We reach Fontanales check point where I'm welcomed by sun-rays warming up my sleepy head and Scott who's doing the 82km version. I've made the first marathon point in 8 hours, if I do the second marathon the same way, chances are I can finish in 20 hours as the third marathon is supposed to be easier as it is flat and downhill, and I could keep the Brat at bay. I have mentally prepared myself to “embrace the flat” so I don't stop at the checkpoint, and carry on to the next one. Maybe I could do it in less time and not be running up and down for a second night?

From the race profile, it's just a small climb to Valleseco before reaching Teror Checkpoint 6kms later. The elite runners of the 82km are flying by, and I daydream of doing the same! I attempted to follow...but the Brat is playing up, moving up and down my leg, butt and lower back, reminding me that I would never fly! Pufff....clenching my teeth, I distracted myself by attempting a conversation with Bill, the UN work and by the distance left...where is that checkpoint again?

The not so accurate profite

 The climb does not end...and Vallesesco is still out of sight. I don't have a watch or a gps so guessing is all I've got but I'm sure it's been 7km! I make the mistake to ask other runners with big watches and funny enough, they all have different left over distance. So in 3 different languages, we compare notes and find a compromise that we still have 4 kilometres to go before Vallesco...ok maybe I miscalculated the time/distance travel....this day is getting longer by the climb. It's ok, the sounds from the Spanish runners are a very good distraction. They are talking so fast and continuously on that climb! I wonder how they can talk so much and still keep up with the climbing rhythm. I wonder what on earth they could be talking about. I wonder if maybe training while talking a lot is beneficial.I wonder if elites talk so much.  I wonder so much that Vallesco CP suddenly appears. The volunteers and locals are so genuinely caring that my water bladder and cocacola bottle are filled up in to time and I am gently pushed towards...the other climb to Terror before going down and up again to El Talayon. Brrr just the name is scary but it's the half way mark!

View of Pico de las Nieves from one of the climb

 The scenery is breathless and I enjoy looking around until we reach this climbing pine foresty path with dry pines leaves. What is this?  Seriously? The leaves are making the trail very slippery and unsteady...I'm tired... I wonder what time it is. I wonder where is Mick. I wonder why they made us go through this path. Are they mad? Did they not think that after 60km people will be going a bit mad themselves? Here's a man taking a nap of the sliding pine leaves. I wonder how comfortable it is. I wonder if I should join him and close my eyes for a little bit. Hum...if I could just lay there for a while, but time is flying by and I need to keep swearing at the road parts and hardcore concrete village paths that shot the hamstrings and feet in a way I could have never imagine, to reach what I think is the end of the climb to Garañón. 

How wrong! This is not it, it is some nice rock (El Garanon) where they have decided to put the chip control. Arrrh! Really?! Don't get me wrong moon landscapes are great, but with more than 12 hours in the legs, I really don't feel like taking a picture and having a picnic. No No, especially when you then tell me that I need to go back down more and then go up for another 5 km to the actual checkpoint. 

Because you know what, that's not how the race profile look like.

See:

The not so accurate profile

I tell this to a bunch of Spanish guys, I call them FC Barcelona hehe we've been playing cat and mouse for a while now,  even if words are not what we are sharing, they are nice company. They are laughing asking if it is my first time...Venga Venga they say, it's not too long to Garanon where there will be pasta. Haha I never seen people being so excited about pasta! But these guys are and their good mood is contagious, so I follow them down...and up and what felt like was not too long, is actually super long and screws with my imaginary plan. It's 16:30 and I have 3 hours before night fall and I wanted to be there 1h ago to not be running up and down in the night again. It's really not fun, and it plays with your mind in a very nasty way.

So after being controlled there, I try to hurry my way up to Tunte. It's supposed to go up for a little well... according to the race profile, but I start doubting this alot, and so I climb until it is time to go down again and don't stop until I reach this mountain path made of small rocks where you have to jump from one to the others with care or else you twist your ankle or worst fall head first. This game is fun but time consuming and I can see the sun setting, It's 18:15...where is the CP?! ... come on!  A board with the distance left to the finish appears in the horizon. OK, we should be 20 km away and CP should be just around the corner. But that's' where I got it wrong again, from that board, we have 30 km left, meaning...no! CP is another 8 kilometres away up and down...which means I won't reach it in time before sunset. Noooooooooo!

Ok ok, No I just need to run down faster, from the race profile, it's all going down! So let's get on with it.
And that is what I am going to think for the next 5 hours, yes...it took another hour to the check point and 4 hours to do 25km. How naïve was I to think that I could do  a bit more than half a marathon in 2 hours? How naïve was I to carry on thinking that the race profile was truly what was on the bib number...The night had fallen now, and what should have been a shallow descent is actually the deepest descent of the whole race....just before the CP Arteara. I tried running it, walking, butt-sliding it, swore at it, cry to it, cringe at it until I just let it go and went with whatever way came under my feet with cactuses from both side of the paths with sharps rocks and your mind  making the path probably worst than it really was.  Reaching Arteara, we found ourselves going wait... upwards again...I can hear feet heavily pounding the rocks,  quads taking all of energy left to get up and down, everyone around looking again like mechanic zombies. But a worsen zombie version of the night before, as the stride is heavier, the mind in a darker place, and the fatigue is taking over everything good of the human spirit and making people forgetting about the joy of running...

We reach Machacadora checkpont at 117km and we have 6 km left to the finish. I don't stop, barely smiling at the volunteers I reach the 5km to the finish board.  I should be happy but somehow I am not relieved and I'm not feeling anything at all: My mind is gone...what's left is my soul knowing that Mick is waiting  at the finish line and this is almost over. And so I go...we pass Sonneland, the hotels, locals cheering up until we finally reach Maspalomas Lighthouse. It's over: 125km, in 23hours and 11 min of darkness in heaven.

I reach Michael's arms and understand what he had said 23 hours ago: pain is only temporary and this was 90% mental, 10% in the head. Wherever the mind go, the body follows no matter what. But what happen when the mind is gone and the body is fine? or you think it's fine?

I wondered about many things during this race but never questioned my mind about its own limits, but where is the line? 

Kimbia Kenya: More than a run, a life adventure!

Kimbia Kenya: when running is a human adventure

6 days of pure struggle is what Kimbia Kenya brought me but I don’t regret any second of it. This 100k, 5 days 20km stages race was supposed to be “easy” and used as a training for Gran Canaria 125km offering both running in attitude, hot weather and little rest. 

Savannah

As it happened it wasn't that easy but we've learned and as a result grown so much from a human and solidarity perspective to the point that sitting at a desk has now become the real struggle...

In short: This adventure was staged around 2 main lakes: Elementaita and Nakuru  which are part of the world patrimonial national parks as well as ancient volcanoes: Mont Suswa and Eburru.

We ran alongside zebras, buffalos, giraffes, ostriches and many birds such as flamingos, herons and pelicans.

We ran on infinite straight lines,

through villages, volcanic lands and breathtaking scenery!

Some days felt easier than others according to individual preferences. I struggled on each flat parts and thrived when we had hills! For others it was the other way around.  The temperature and dust took out a few runners, getting up super early was key!

 We stayed above 1800m sea level and went up to 2500m, where air is thin and a bump looks like an atrocious punishing hill. At least we never encountered a mosquito at this attitude and your head always felt light headed!

The most challenging part was to not be able to recover between each stage as for each afternoon we visited a school to provide school furniture, sport equipments and clothing as well as sharing songs and games.

Even rest day was not one as we learnt how to make of Chapati and Masai Lamb curry in a Masai Village as well as sharing life stories with Masai families!But it was all worth it as each school visits brought hope to the kids and opened our heart to the wonders of giving for nothing in return

 

We met some wonderful people with great community spirit

and made friends for life!

Would I do it again: YES! The scenery is unbelievable, the people are amazing and the weather is to die for. The only thing I would love to change if I had tons of money and a bit of power would be to make clean water available for all and clean streets!

So ready for Trans Gran Canaria? I can safely say hell no! I haven't been able to run without pain for more than 20k depening on the terrain and doctor said not to even think about it....the Beast as become a Sciatica with damages to both end of the sciatic nerve...But heho! how far do you think I can go by "graciously" run like a giraffe and get sorted later? can't be that mad right?

The Brat is a life sucker

8 weeks...

It's been 8 weeks of pain with no running, which means 8 weeks where ambitions, excitement of training for a race and everything that comes in between have diminished little by little...The brat is on a mission of sucking life out of me.
It's funny actually, as I recall how some elite ultra runners like Anna Frost have had many months of no running due to injuries, or how others who I thought were fanatics for running 7 days a week or doing races every weekend had injured themselves, it never occurred to me I could actually be "injured" because I was not doing what they were doing. little did I know that the Brat was a creeping shadow eating up my leg little by little.

The Brat

How naive!  I thought that injuries could only happen to others because they were overdoing it, over training it, over everything it, while I was just doing it and Brat was a niggle. But then BAM! I'm now part of the running clan who is looking at runners on the street and wishing we were the one running.
I should have known, injuries only creep in when you don't take care of niggle, when you think you are invisible. Thanks to the Brat, I know wish I had listened to Mick and the others, but pride/ego and everything else, just make you carry on, doesn't it? It makes you not listen to advise, not be wise and get...injured! Alala! What have I done...we have so much running adventures to look forward to next year!

First it's Country to Capital in the UK.
Then it's Kimba Kenya, in Kenya, a 100 km, 5 day stages race where you get to run with gazelles and zebras, go around lakes and the savannah!

We have the TransGranCanaria in March, 125km trail race crossing the whole island.

The Royal Raid, an 80km trail race across Mauritius Island in May.

and Andorra Ultra Trail  in July, Mick is doing Ronda del Cims, while I'm still unsure if I'll go for it or if I should just stick to the Mitic

or

So the Brat needs to go, or I'll never get to be part of this! But how?

Between madness and stupidity: Endurance Trail 100km

Endurance Trail 100km in Millau, France. 4600m of ascent around scenic forest trails, canyons and untouched historical villages. This was our final race of the season and the longest we had ever done. Physically we felt prepared, having done some long runs, and downhill training. Mentally... well, having got lost during a race, running injured or hitting many walls, nothing could have surprised us, or so I thought.

This is not a race report, as I ended up walking the last 65 km. This is the story of how I manage to finish our first 100km when everyone said that I would not make it. Was I mad or stupid? that's for you to decide. But I hope that it will inspire others to just carry on even when it looks like it is impossible. Because you know what, I’ve done it, I finished that 100 km sucker, and it was all worth it, all the lows and the pain brought so much more than darkness and self-doubt.

The race starts with goose bumps all over the body from the Templiers music theme, the atmosphere is electric, the night is warm and cosy.

  Listen to the first minute, you'll feel it too :)

Everyone started the race super fast! From the first 100 m, I tried to keep up with Mick, who was trying to keep up with the first 100 runners. But I lost him quite quickly, legs were feeling heavy and the Brat was quite "noticeable".

At the first checkpoint (18.8km down the trail), I was in the last 100 out of 749 starters, the sun was still asleep and it was quite weird running for 4 hours in the dark with the Brat for company, keeping the pace slow and awkward. My mind wanders as the body is on auto-pilot. How's Mick feeling, I hope he is having a bit more fun than me. Looking around,no one dares breaking the silence of the night run. Head down, we all attempt to zombie trail till sunrise.
I finally get sun-kissed 22km down the trail. It feels good then, following Mick advice to eat something every hour, the legs and spirit are getting nice and warm and the Brat is getting manageable. For the next 10 km, I pass pretty much everyone who had passed me for the first 20 km, ( thanks to the sun and not trying to keep up a pace that wasn't mine). At that point, I'm thinking if I could carry on like this for the rest of the race, I could make it before nightfall...ah, how more wrong could I have been?
At kilometre 35, pain strikes on the outside of...my back right knee. Yes, you right, not the Brat (who sits nicely on my left knee) but the right. I still can’t describe the pain, never had it before, medic will say tendonitis, other runners some other scary names I choose to ignore, and so it takes me quite some time to accept that something was very wrong.It hurts! So much so that I can't no longer run, tears are running down, walk becomes this limp-y dragging leg twisty thing, weird sounds are coming out of my mouth.
My legs can't race no more but thoughts on the other hand are racing crazy. It goes from no no no, this is not looking good, I am actually stopping? to No way, I didn’t just come here to not even complete a marathon, right?.... What is Mick going to think? would Mick quit? can I quit? I can't quit? all of this training for nothing? I need to carry on...,quit?...walk till the next CP?
Mind was going wild, crazy thoughts of flying, sleeping, hibernating mixed with these questions were hiding the fact that it is very painful and it's really not looking good. People are passing by, looking sorry for me. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, I want to run with you, I'm only 7 km to the 42km checkpoint, that's a marathon, I could at least do a marathon... that's reasonable right? it doesn't hurt that much...madness
My walk is slow and...long! Every one I had previously passed, passed me again, and more are coming down my way. It's frustrating, a lot of them asked if I am ok, if they should call someone, one tells me the CP before was much closer than the one I'm heading towards... Stupid... My pride takes another big hit, clinching my teeth, smiling and telling them I’ll be allright,...I'm boiling inside. But who can blame them? I guess I am not looking great there. A bunch of guys passes me and snort! Nice! One even tells me " You not going to make it sweetie, and even if you do, the DNF bus will be waiting for you"... with a smile on his face! what a twat! I can't believe my ears! I didn't ask for anything!

The thought of DNF hadn't really sink in yet, I was still trying to come to terms with this new niggle.  But this guy, how dare he?! Like my bubble is not burst enough already, you need to create a new one and burst it on top? really?!
He's disappearing on the slop! I so want to run to him and kick his ass ...,I'll get him, don't know where and when, but I'll get him. I was going mad, from  superwoman who wants justice to fatalist wimp who just wants to stop, and all variations in between in a space of 2 hours . And what felt the most excruciating was that I was alone, everyone seemed to have passed me. Gosh! where is this CP?! Should have put the watch on! Slowly coming down, a man stops at my side and decide to walk with me to the CP. I ask him what happened to him, he explains that he's been vomiting 3 times since the start of the race, and can’t seem to keep his food down so he is stopping. I don’t know how it feels, and can’t seemed to find any words that could make him feel better. So I try to joke around unsuccessfully, and end up walking silently wondering why he is staying by my side and half wishing he could just leave me alone in this endless death walk. He is a nice man, lending me his sticks to try to walk a bit faster. I’m so slow and he is staying ... it’s really frustrating. My mind wonders, would I have given up because of food?

We finally arrive at the CP, I see a medic, she asked what happened, I’m unable to explain, a bit confused myself about the how it happened bit. She gives me ice to put on both knees and an anti inflammatory pill. I take it, feeling annoyed. Really annoyed. I'm trying to reason myself, at least I’ve done a marathon, right, I can let it go? I don't realise that I'm talking out loud. The medic looks at me with her kind big brown eyes and tells me “ this is not the marathon km yet, sweetie, it’s up that hill, you are at kilometre 41.1.” My world scrambles, what?! I’m not at the marathon km?! Mind is racing, how far to the next checkpoint? 10 km she says, it’s up that hill and down again.

Grrrr, I’m not at the marathon point, I can't let it go, I need to do a marathon ( No I don’t, thinking about it now, I’m mad! or stupid) This thought is haunting me, I think of the snorty dude and this helps me decide. Next checkpoint... I have 5 minutes left before the cut-off. Screw this, I’m at least doing a marathon,... and if I can carry on to the CP I will have done a small ultra... not a bad way to DNF...Man, I really hope Mick is having a better day than me. So there I go, I’m last, I don’t care, just want to do a marathon. I go up the hill, pass a few people. There is this very very old man breathing hard, I admire his determination. I carry on, the leg is feeling better, maybe the pill effect, I tried to run,... how wrong I was. I miserably limp again until it’s bearable. Stupid, so stupid.... I’m on top of the hill, a flatty section before some serious downhill. I've done a marathon.

Mad moment on hill, I feel like walking superfast, I pass another few people, but they pass me back as I slowly go down this rocky path. Silly! Soon, I’ll be at the CP. I can see it from here, it’s just...2 hours down the trail..I finally make it, I’m happy I’ve done 51.1 km. Mick would be proud to know that I finally knew when to stop to avoid to damage myself even more. I'm not stupid or mad, I say to myself. I should stop now,... I've done good...Where is the next checkpoint? Huh? Who asked that?! I hear..., 10 km up that way. Really 10km? I can do another 10 km right? at least until they pick me up because I didn’t make the cut-off right? I could just walk till I drop?! aiaiaiaie madness or stupidity?

I say to myself, at least it won’t be a “I’m giving up because it hurts too much, DNF” but a “well I tried but I got caught by the cut-off people, DNF”, the latter one sounded more bearable than the first....so leaving my common sense at the CP, I carry on, walk the uphills, walk faster on the shallow flats. I pass more people, they are so surprised to see me, they thought I would have given up at checkpoint 41.1km. We play a cat and mouse game, I walk steady, they run pass me, stop 100m at the front, walk slow, and so I pass them. This is a cool game. We laugh at the whole situation, and I try to make them feel better. Some of them are struggling to keep up with the pace they’ve set themselves. I tell them don’t push it this hard, just breathe and take the time needed to finish. They must think I’m crazy....I did leave my reason at the last checkpoint, but I don’t feel tired, it’s been 12 hours, I can’t run but I can walk, I can do this I tell myself. Madness...

Next checkpoint. I’m at checkpoint 61km, the pill effect must have run out as my right knee is killing me, I ask for a medic, they tell me, she’s at the next checkpoint, 13km up this hill. 13 km I say, I can do 13km to the pill. Why? This is stupid! This pill- thou is motivating me to go, like a druggie in need of a fix, I want it, I want to ease the pain.  Faster, faster I keep telling myself, but haha it’s only words, actions are slow to follow.
74km down the trail, I'm at the checkpoint, the medic doesn’t want to give me any pills, telling me that it’s only been 5 hours since the first one, I said I don’t remember how long ago it was, it might be more than 5 hours ( I was saying anything to get something) but she's not listening. She brings me to the osteopath, she thinks it’s going to help me. I’m not a wimp I say, she laughs saying nothing and firmly push me in the room. I spent 30 min ( which I felt at the time was a waste of precious minutes, especially I didn’t feel any better after, especially when she said I would be able to run in the next10 minutes), I didn’t get to run in the next 10 minutes or hours as a matter of fact.After she had done what she's done (asking questions and twisting this and that) I leave the room, not feeling any better. All I wanted was a pill! I am becoming a brat myself. I stink...literally and figuratively too. I am bad company , the night is coming down, and I am still out on the trail. Grrrr, I can't give up,...just until the next checkpoint, and I’ll stop I reach the checkpoint 6 with its nice people, foods and wait...Snorty dude!!!! Oh man it feels so good, he's shocked to see me, has no words to say beside “YOU”. And let me tell you, at this moment, I have this evil pleasure to smile and pass him, yes! I pass snorty dude- who told me the bus was waiting for me- snorty dude and it...feels...good. So good that I “fly” that hill to never see him again. But when I reach the top, I feel bad, the whole point of me not giving up was to inspire people and be humble about it. I wasn’t feeling humble at all in this climb and now I was worried that my 10 min cockiness was going to cost me later on. Mad! Yes I wanted to finish, but I didn’t want to make people feel bad about being past by an injured woman. What about their confidence? Their own limits? Their own dark thoughts? I was not helping there! Stupid! I still have 20 kilometres to go to the finish line.
I decide to stop at each runner who are looking like they are struggling, and pat them on the back, not too hard ( don’t want to patronise them) but enough to hopefully make them feel better. It makes me limp more confidently on the downhill, knowing that I maybe could give something back to the ones that needed the most (or at least looking like). 7 km to the finish line. Mad, I go up the last hill to the last check point,  the doctor who gave me THE pill at kilometre 41.1 is surprised to see me and gives me this huge hug that lift my spirit. I carry on the flat section before the last dreaded downhill and the grote du Hibou. It hurts, I have enough, it's been 19hours, how long is 6 km?!

I hear the microphone dude, announcing the runners in front of me, really? I'm close. I get a last buzz, running down hill with tears and cries but I want to prove that this journey was all worth it.  That it doesn’t matter which DNF you end up getting, as long as you’ve tried what seemed impossible.

Almost there,  I am praying that Mick is at the finish line, I know he finished 5 hours ago with an injury too, but am hoping that he will be there to share the last struggle with me ( how more selfish can you get when you are about to finish heh?) Madness.
I see him, but there are the darn last stairs...arrh finally this struggle ends in19 hours and 40 minutes of madness but feels like it's a victory, a sweet victory over oneself.  In Mick's arms I end, heart so warm of gratitude for the fact that because of him, I'm here. But I exclaim, this was the last run. This was stupid.  He smiles and murmurs comforting words in my ears, not believing a word I say. We've completed our first 100km, we both injured ourselves while at it, but we've done it...and what I take from this is to NEVER EVER GIVE UP, you never know until you try and push the barriers you've set in your mind.  

PS: After the race, I saw the osteopath lady again, and she worked on me for an hour putting back my hips and vertebrates in place and explaining that all of these injuries were due to the twisted left ankle from the 80km of the MontBlanc which never healed and created unbalances. All I need now, is learn to run again with posture and footing. Nice program for the next 3 months, until Country to Capital., heh?  :) can't wait to tackle those miles!